There will be points in our lives when our inner strength is challenged and our self-worth is questioned. In these difficult times, it can be easy to slip into an unhealthy mindset.

We give into some pretty awful feelings, such as doubt, insecurity, and hopelessness. These feelings can blind you and cloud your judgement when making important decisions. They’re also really difficult to make disappear.

We ask ourselves: Am I strong enough to handle this? Am I even worth the happiness it will bring me if I succeed?

These kinds of thoughts are the thoughts of a person questioning their self-worth. Such a mindset can be very difficult to recover from, but it’s not impossible. In fact, recovering from such a terrible mindset is one of the most rewarding things a person can do.

I have been going through my own trials lately, causing me to question my own worth and self-efficacy. I am writing this post in the midst of my trials with the hope that I will find my own clarity and peace — and that perhaps others will benefit as well.

You are enough. You are so enough. It’s unbelievable how enough you are.

Sierra Boggess

Ground yourself.

Take a moment to breathe.

Take stock of your environment. Where are you? What time is it? What is it like outside? Are there other people around? (If you’re feeling anxious, you might want to move somewhere more private.)

Notice your body. Acknowledge any tension in your body and let it go. Are you breathing heavily? Slow it down. Are you sitting uncomfortably? Shift until you feel better.

Remember your achievements.

Make sure that you are in a better, more peaceful state of mind before you begin to introspect. If you are calm, your introspections will be more objective, rational, and realistic. If you are still feeling uneasy, your thoughts can spiral and lead to more self-doubt.

Now that you are aware of your present self, you can begin to think about what got you to this place. What have you accomplished today? Start small. If all you did was make your bed and get a coffee, that’s okay. Be proud of yourself for organizing your living space and providing your body with energy to start your day.

Now think, what have you accomplished this week? Have you gotten some work done? Have you spent time with friends and family? These are all improvements in your life that you should notice and be proud of.

Think back even further: What have you accomplished this month/year? Have you set any goals for yourself? Have you made progress in these goals? If you have, that’s seriously amazing. If you haven’t, that’s still okay because you’re still in the middle of a journey towards self-improvement and self-discovery and that is worth a celebration.

Finally, think about all of the things you have achieved in your entire life. I bet that if you really think about it, you can find a lot. You have achieved a lot more than you give yourself credit for, because you probably don’t think about your accomplishments and awards on a daily basis.

Acknowledge and appreciate your strengths.

Think about the personality traits and consistent behaviors of yours that have allowed you to accomplish your goals throughout your life.

1. Are you a hard worker?
   
2. Do you care about social issues?
   
3. Are you determined and passionate?
   
4. Are you disciplined and focused?
   
5. Do you have firm values and beliefs?
   
6. Are you open to criticism?
   
7. Are you motivated by self-improvement?

Think about the traits and behaviors that promote healthy relationships in your life.

1. Are you empathetic?
   
2. Do you listen to your friends when they need to vent?
   
3. Do you make time for your friends and family?
   
4. Are you forgiving?
   
5. Do you let your loved ones know just how much you appreciate them?
   
6. Are you kind to strangers?
   
7. Do you give good advice?

Think about your talents and abilities that set you apart from the crowd.

1. Are you artistically talented? Can you paint, play an instrument, or act?
   
2. Can you cook or bake?
   
3. Can you speak multiple languages?
   
4. Are you really good at a certain subject in school?
   
5. Are you athletic or good at sports?
   
6. Are you a talented writer or a photographer?
7. Do you have a really cool and unique style?

Count your blessings.

What are you thankful for? Who or what in your life brings you the most joy? Remember that although most of the joy in your life should come from within, it doesn’t always have to. There are so many other wonderful things out there (friends, passions, hobbies, nature, music, etc.) that can help you to think more positively about yourself and your life.

I can guarantee you that whatever made you question your self-worth is not the only thing that matters in your life. So in the meantime, try to focus on the positive aspects of your life. You can address the negative parts once you are confident of your worth and competence again.

Remember how much of a blessing it is to be alive in the first place. So many fight for their lives every day. Make the most of it while you still can.

Once you know your self-worth

It can take a while to effectively rebuild your confidence and rediscover your self-worth. It’s a process and it will likely take time to heal your wounds. It may be difficult and painful at times, but don’t give up — you will be so glad that you did it.

Now that you are more confident in your worth and value in this world, don’t ever let it go. Every time you question it again, you have these tools that you can pull out as a reminder that you are enough. Hopefully, it won’t tear you down as much as it did last time.

Let out any stress you might have accumulated during the process of forgetting your worth and rebuilding your confidence. It was probably very time-consuming and emotionally exhausting.

Finally, think about what you want to change about your situation and break it down into smaller, achievable goals. Whatever situation forced you to feel unwanted, unloved, or unworthy is most likely something that you can change or leave if you feel necessary.

When you’re ready, fix that thing and get ready to feel worthy again.

My Self-Worth

As I mentioned before, my inspiration to write this post was because I have lately been questioning my own self-worth. It’s a strange and uncommon feeling for me, because I have always been confident in my self-efficacy and overall value. However, anyone can experience self-doubt in the right conditions.

Every day, I try to remind myself of my self-worth with specific examples. I have learned and accomplished a lot, grown and improved myself, and made so many wonderful memories in my almost-20 years.

I performed solo violin at the Kennedy Center and Carnegie Hall. I won Virginia State Science Awards in high school. I’ve been on Dean’s List every semester in college. I’ve performed professional ballet and musical theatre in Washington, DC my whole life. I am outgoing, witty, and disciplined. I have passion, intelligence, and I work extremely hard at everything I set my mind to.

The thing that I believe I am the most proud of, however, is the love I give to my friends and family. Although I may not be always be the perfect friend, daughter, sister, or girlfriend, I try my very best. I try to remind everyone in my life how much they mean to me and how grateful I am for everything that they do. Loving others gives me more joy and pride than anything else in the world.

As much as I know and believe all these things, I still sometimes feel unwanted and unloved. I try to make myself better for someone else when the reality is I only need to stop looking at my reflection through someone else’s eyes. A person’s self-worth is not dependent on another person’s words or actions.

I will not allow myself to not feel chosen every single day. And I’ll wait until whenever that is.

Hannah B. (The Bachelor, 2019)

My Message to You

You’ll be okay. Soon enough, you’ll be stronger than you’ve ever been before. One day I’m sure that you’ll look back on today and thank yourself for not giving up.

You are growing in so many aspects of your life, each and every day. Each time you attend a class or study on your own, you grow mentally. Each time you go on a walk or exercise at the gym, you grow physically. Each time you call a family member or grab lunch with a friend, you grow emotionally. This slow yet consistent growth is transforming you into a better person every single day.

So who are you to tell yourself that you’re not worth the happiness you crave? You are stronger than you think. You have made it to this point, haven’t you? I bet there were there so many times in the past where you thought you couldn’t make it through the day, but you eventually did.

If you did it once, you can certainly make it through again. Just by being true to yourself, holding onto your values, and striving for your goals, you deserve all the happiness in the world.

You deserve success in your passions and academics. You deserve supportive and loving relationships. You deserve happiness and peace of mind in everything that you put your mind to. You are worth all of the love in the world.